I have a conundrum.
Earlier this year, months before we knew about Roy, I applied to nurse practitioner school.
This has long been a dream of mine--not only to get more schooling, but also to be a nurse practitioner. I've loved bedside nursing but am ready to close that chapter. With Isaac finishing school, and having no idea when any offspring would arrive, I decided it was finally time. I applied to a 2-year Master's degree program, and I got accepted.
Four days after my acceptance letter arrived, the doctor's office told me I was pregnant.
That was an amazing, beautiful, happy day. And that night, as we went out to dinner to celebrate, our delicious Indian food was overshadowed by this troubling question: "What do I do about school?"
More than 3 months later, I still have not decided. Granted, this is from the girl that will try 15 flavors at the ice cream counter and still second-guess my decision, but indecisiveness aside, I also think this is a difficult question. Most Mormon (Latter-Day Saint or LDS) moms stay home with their kids if they are able to do it. There are abundant exceptions to this rule, especially in these days of modern parenting and in this economy. But in general, that is the truth. My mom was a stay-at-home mom for 17 years until she became a single mom and had
to work. But she never graduated from college and started out at minimum wage. She engrained in me the need to do better and get my own education.
I planned my whole life to be a stay-at-home mom. I firmly believe that family relationships are the greatest source of joy and satisfaction we can have in life. Working with lots of old people, I have found that in old age, children are
your life. People that choose not to have them (if they have the option) often regret it deeply as they age. I still firmly believe that. Truthfully, I still want to be a stay-at-home mom. With a Master's degree.
I have examined the problem from every possible angle.
I have talked to moms that went to school part-time while their children were young (even very
young) and loved it. It was their break for a day or two a week, or even just a few hours a day. They say their children benefitted from learning to mind other people, they were still around plenty, and they feel that having more education blessed their families. Also it opened up more chances to serve other people.
I have talked to other moms that chose not
to pursue graduate work so they could focus on having children, and felt that was the right choice for them. Others had kids just as they finished a program, but then they felt obligated to work to keep up their skills, and their lives thereafter descended into chaos.
I don't want our lives to be chaos.
LDS church leaders teach that women can do a great deal of good staying home with their children. In fact, they say the greatest good they will ever do will be within the walls of their own home. But they also encourage women to get all the education they can
A guidance counselor at BYU Idaho
summed up the difficulty for young LDS women this way:
[A young LDS female] is likely to perceive her duties as:
-get as much education as you can;
-go on a mission if you feel so inspired;
-get married if a worthy man asks;
-stay home with your children if you get married and are able to have children;
-provide for your family if your husband dies, is disabled, or leaves you;
-provide for yourself if you stay single or somehow lose your husband;
-help provide for your family if your husband gets laid off or your family encounters other difficult
circumstances…and so on.
There are no certainties on the list.
I love being a women, but that is a bit of a tall order.
In reading extensively on the subject, I've found that women in America in general (whether religious or not) debate this topic of education vs. motherhood vs. career hotly. It is guaranteed an emotional and highly controversial discussion. Take, for example, this front-cover article on the Atlantic
about why women still can't "have it all"--but that is the fault of corporate America. And this response
that contends that no one
can "have it all", and that corporate America is not to blame.
I hate decisions.