Tuesday, April 28, 2009

We are all going to die

As many of you may have heard, the world is ending. (If you have not heard, I am sorry. While we're on the subject, you should probably know that Santa isn't real either. Sorry. A nifty map here will give you the appropriate level of panic.)

I know that many people are urging calm. I know that panic could be described as "irrational." But while there is certainly a time and place for rational thought, there is also a time and place for fear-mongering, panic, rioting, and general French-revolution-style pandemonium. THAT TIME IS NOW!

I know, I know, all of you are thinking: Whoa, Isaac! Calm down! It's just a flu virus that kills 6% of the people who get it. That's nothing to worry about. It's not like people are turning into flesh-eating zombies!

My response: REALLY? Have you guys SEEN I Am Legend? The government isn't going to tell you that everyone is turning into man-eaters! They're going to pretend that everything's fine, that Obama will take care of everything and even give you a back-rub, and that if you'll only help them buy bad bank assets the world will return to normal. (I'm onto you, Mr. President.)

But I know better. The end is coming. And since this is Swine Flu, it's probably going to be a lot like this:







See you at the aftermath. It was good to know you all. Let me know when you're dead.

3 comments:

  1. What is the appropiate level of panic when you realize there is no Santa Claus?

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  2. The appropriate level is, of course, French-revolution-style pandemonium. I'm pretty certain that a disillusionment with Santa Claus is what cause the French revolution.

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  3. Hey, just found your blog. I like your strong view points and satire. Makes for good reading material. ;-)

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