Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Monogamous Man

A while ago, Isaac was reading a post on a pretty well-known political/social blog, and a reader sent in a comment about how marriage and monogamous relationships are outdated and too limiting and restrictive. 

He had a few things to say about that. 

I thought I would dedicate a post to his response. This is directed to the author of the blog:

I want to reply to something you posted the other day from a reader on this thread. He said: 
"First, the disclosures. I am 32, relatively single, childless, and I think monogamy is for those who are religious or need dependency. I say relatively single because when one rejects the premise that all dating is about finding ONE person for companionship, intimacy, dedication, commitment, sexual fulfillment and obligatory attendance at events, then one finds all these things in a series of overlapping relationships that are often more and better in many respects than monogamous couples find in seeking so much from just one person."
Now my disclosures: I am 28, married for 6 years, religious, and just had my first child a month ago (on Christmas Eve). I love my wife and new daughter with more fervor than I can describe.
I don't have a sophisticated response to this reader, other than to say that it rings so absolutely false to me. Becoming a father has been the strangest transition I've ever experienced, precisely because it has so completely measured up to every beautiful expectation I had for it. Now that I'm a parent, every idealized portrait of parenthood I've read, or seen in a movie, seems ... no longer idealized, but accurate. 
There is certainly an excitement that comes from a large network of lovers and relationships, but may I just say: breadth can never compensate for a lack of depth in this area. When I hold my daughter at night, her gazing into my eyes while I sing lullabies, with my wife on the couch reading a book and looking at both of us with love -- I'm sorry, but no network of lovers can compete with that. When your reader says that his "overlapping relationships ... are often more and better in many respects than monogamous couples find ... from just one person," I can only say: he speaks about a topic of which he knows little, or nothing. 
I drink from that fountain every day now. And knowing I'll have that fountain available for the rest of my life is the greatest joy I have ever known. I hope your reader someday settles down, finds a true companion, and drinks of it for himself.

And, because no blog post is complete without a picture, here's Mary:

From Mary's newborn photo shoot 2 1/2 weeks ago

Here's to monogamy!
Aaaaand we're kind of obsessed with taking pictures...


  1. Go Isaac! And go monogamy. I second those thoughts, and am so grateful for my restrictive monogamous marriage :)

  2. You tell 'em Isaac. Mary is incredibly cute. Good job you guys. :)

  3. How perfect! So happy for you both!

  4. I would say that the only people for whom marriage is not the idea outcome are for those who hate dogz, katz, and babiez.

    Also, I am not one of those persons.