Monday, October 12, 2015

Tales of a Pregnant Worrywart

I am 34 1/2 weeks pregnant with a little boy.
From family pictures a few weeks ago, almost 32 weeks pregnant.

I have handled the past 8 months or so in the most rational state available to me: near panic. 

Yes, I'm grateful for another chance at a baby. Of course we're thrilled and befuddled that we managed to conceive again without IVF. And I have been, naturally, quietly freaking out.

I think everyone knows in the abstract that things can go awry with pregnancy. Working in the medical field, I've always been ever more acutely aware of this, and now, after our own experience with Sarah, I'm left to wonder, How do people make producing babies look so...easy?

We have had a lot of discussions with our really great perinatologist, who is the same doctor that first discovered Sarah's brain abnormalities. Neither he nor Sarah's neonatologist felt like we were any more likely to have a repeat of Sarah's condition than your average couple. That is reassuring. Each new milestone reached has been a relief, and at this point the baby still looks completely normal, so we have fingers crossed and prayers said that little Mister will make it here safe and sound.

So, panic about the baby's health aside, I have another, equal source of anxiety that keeps me up at night:

Can I love a BOY?

If the baby boy clothing selection at the store is any indication, we are in serious trouble.

Everything seems to be sports-themed or camoflauge.

Even worse, there is a disturbing lack of bows and headbands to mask bald spots or general homeliness.

Can I possibly love a bodily-functions obsessed, rough-and-tumble, nothing-you-can-do-if-he's-funny-looking boy like I love sweet, innocent little Mary? (Who is, by the way, back in diapers, after deciding 3 or 4 weeks into potty-training that she was going to fight me tooth and nail every time I mentioned going potty? And who recently announced, screwdriver in hand, that she wanted to kill her doll? Most disturbing moment of my parenting career, hands-down).

Well, she's not actually sweet and innocent ALL the time. But she really is that adorable:
Don't worry. It isn't actually possible to kill a doll.
Plus she kind of melts our hearts. 

And while I'm opening up about pregnancy worries, there is another thorny issue about this one that I should bring up: THE NAME. 

We have never disagreed on a baby name before. With both Mary and Sarah we both agreed on a name within 24 hours of finding out the gender.  This time we're well over 4 months past and still have no idea how to come to any agreement. Flip a coin? Arm wrestle? (No good, we already know who would win). Paper rock scissors? Arbitration?

At the rate we're going, "Baby Boy" may end up on his birth certificate.

So here's to 5-ish remaining weeks of pregnancy anxiety.

Then bring on the new baby anxiety.

9 comments:

  1. You will do great, boys are awesome, he will be cute. And you should name him either Trey or James.

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  2. You absolutely can love a boy! From the minute you first hold him you will be smitten! Just wait!! Hugs and prayers Camber! Mary and Sarah are good bible names. Choose a bible name. Joseph or Matthew or Elijah (Eli for short) or Adam, Aaron, Andrew, Benjamin (Ben for short), Ethan, Jared. Just to name a few. ~Janel

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  3. You can definitely love a boy! I've loved five of them. And now, I'm loving my grand-daughters. I love reading your blog Camber. :)
    Gina Darlington

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  4. It's funny to read this because I am terrified that I will have a boy one day and not know what to do with the port little guy. After having four girls it just seems so abstract to have a boy. Who knows if we have another baby there seems to be strong chance we will be dressing the baby in pink! Good luck from one worry wart to another. What a blessing this baby will be for your family and your grieving heart.

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  5. The moment Brynn came out, it was love at first sight. What a glorious moment that will be for you! Boy names are hard. Having to name a baby with your spouse is hard. Jared disagreed with every name until she was born and he said go with what you want. It's ok if he is unnamed for awhile. :) I wish I could give you a real hug. This baby boy will be so sweet and you won't even notice the rough side for at least a year. He'll gradually bring you into it. Hang in there! I'm excited for you!

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  6. You crack me up Sarah. My guess is I would have the same worries and anxieties too. You're not the only one in this boat. I'm excited for labor story!

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  7. Isaac, there's no shame in losing at an arm wrestling match. Just set up a competition and get it over with.

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  8. I've been off the grid and just catching up on what's going on with you. CONGRATS on the pregnancy and baby boy. As a mother of a daughter first and son later, I had the same worries about loving a boy. But it's true what they say about boys -- they LOOOOOOVE their mommies. My little guy is a mama's boy through and through, while my daughter is more of a daddy's girl, and always has been (after she weaned of course... up to that point, I was her Favorite Person Ever). The massive smile on his face when I walk in the door melts my heart like you can't imagine... and I've learned that every boy is different, you might just have one who doesn't want to get his hands dirty and prefers to stay out of the rough-and-tumble. Who knows?

    Good luck with your last couple of weeks, I'll be sure to stay tuned for updates.

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