Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Sarah's First Birthday

Sarah's first birthday was last week.

I've had a long time to think about her birthday. I've talked to other Angel Mommies. I've reflected on what her life means to me. I've watched other babies due around the same time as her hit milestones that Sarah is missing.

We decided her birthday should be fun--at least in part. We want our kids to look forward to her birthday, not dread it. WE want to look forward to it. We also decided that finding some small ways to give back would also be nice. Never have I experienced such an outpouring of generosity from others--friends, family, and strangers--as we did during her life and after her death.

This in mind, I busted out my almost-non-existant sewing skills and made a few quilts to donate to the NICU where Sarah stayed for a few days. When I finished, I vowed, as I always do after a sewing project, NEVER TO SEW AGAIN.
Here's hoping that whoever gets these doesn't look too closely at the seams...
We had a full day--going to an LDS temple to worship (one of the places I feel closest to Sarah), visiting Sarah's grave and having a picnic there, showing Mary the photo book of Sarah's life, going to the NICU to drop off donations (some family members also made donations), playing at a park, going out for dinner, having birthday cake, and watching a movie (Mary's all-time favorite activity).

Taking flowers to Sarah. Reading her book to Mary.
Also, Mary was happy to take the job of blowing out Sarah's candle for her.

Frosting Sarah's cake
In the end, it wasn't a depressing day. Obviously there were sad parts, but grief isn't always the horrible thing we make it out to be. Sometimes I think it's even okay to seek out chances to grieve, to choose to feel the hurt in a sense. But I will say this: we remembered her, and we grieved her, with gratitude, not bitterness.

And we've learned that remembering, and even grieving, can be beautiful.

5 comments:

  1. Sounds like a perfect way to celebrate! And your blankets look perfect! -Hayley

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  2. What a perfect way to celebrate your little angel. And your sewing skills are awesome---- minky is so so hard to work with so if you were able to sew 4 blankets with it, you are pretty much a rockstar!

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  3. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am sure it has been an emotional roller coaster. How exciting for your family. Our rainbow baby healed our hearts like nothing else could have. Didn't replace our Kwynn, but Claire did fill our arms and our hearts. I am sure Sarah was smiling down on you all day long on her big day. I hope you felt her close. I'm sure she was right there with you.

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  4. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am sure it has been an emotional roller coaster. How exciting for your family. Our rainbow baby healed our hearts like nothing else could have. Didn't replace our Kwynn, but Claire did fill our arms and our hearts. I am sure Sarah was smiling down on you all day long on her big day. I hope you felt her close. I'm sure she was right there with you.

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  5. I like what you said about grief. Sometimes it feels good to grieve. Happy birthday, Sarah!

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