(While many of you received this letter via email, there are some amazing people out there whose emails...I do not have. Anymore. So I am putting this out there for general viewing and reading pleasure.)
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Matt: So, by now everyone knows that you’re living here in Iowa. But . . . why? Don’t you think the public has the right to know?
Isaac: I suppose they do, Matt, I suppose they do. Camber and I moved here back in August 2010 so I could attend graduate school at the University of Iowa. I’m getting my MBA.
Matt: But isn’t it cold in Iowa? [Camber shivers reﬂexively.]
Isaac [locking eyes with knowing stare]: Yes.
Matt: I see. [Pause.] Let’s move on to happier topics. I hear Isaac graduates in May. Any word on future plans?
Camber: Oh, we’ll be returning immediately to the full-time crime destruction machines God designed us to be.
Camber: Ha! No. We’re moving to Cincinnati in July.
Matt: Cincinnati? Isn’t it cold there, too?
Isaac [same knowing stare]: Yes.
Matt: I see. [Pause.] So why move there instead of say, Arizona, where the weather is beautiful, all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average?
Isaac: Matt, it turns out that ﬁghting crime doesn’t pay well. We just can’t keep up our lavish lifestyle ﬁghting crime in areas like Arizona. I was lucky enough to ﬁnd a great job in Cincinnati at a marketing research consulting ﬁrm. Camber and I are both excited for the new adventure!
Matt: So no more crime ﬁghting for now?
Camber: Have you seen Cincinnati, Matt? Let’s just say there will be plenty of opportunities to moonlight.
Matt: Let’s move onto some of your big events from this past year. Is it true that both of you had surgery in the same month this year?
Camber: [Sighs] It is true. I had cataract surgery to ﬁx eye damage I got when I was young. It went well, and I see much better now.
Matt: What about your surgery Isaac. What was that for?
Isaac: [Pause.] That’s . . . undisclosed at this time, Matt.
Matt: I see. [Pause.] But glad to hear that you’re both feeling better. What about your summer in Chicago? I’ve heard you had to spend most of the time apart. What was that like for you?
Isaac: It was difﬁcult. I had an internship there for 11 weeks, and we did spend most of the summer apart because Camber had a job as a nurse back here in Iowa. It was grueling, but we learned how to stay connected and close even though we were many miles apart. Modern technology is amazing, and really helped.
Camber: And I got to visit several times over the summer. Chicago was fun, but really loud. And several of Isaac’s family dropped in as well. His mom and brother, Sean, visited. But the pizza. Oh . . . the pizza. [She closes her eyes, licks her lips.] If you’ve never had Chicago-style pizza, you haven’t yet lived.
Matt: Good to know. So it shocked the world when we found out that Superman and Superwoman were living among us, an unassuming married couple. How long have you been married, and . . . any Superchild coming along soon?
Camber: We just had our ﬁfth anniversary a few weeks ago! We’re so happy to be married. Best. Five. Years. Ever.
Isaac: As for the Superchildren, most of our family know that we’ve been trying—unsuccessfully—for several years now. We’re still hoping and praying, and may be looking into adoption in the near future. We’ll be sure to keep you up-to-date.
Matt: Fair enough. I just have one last question. Can you conﬁrm the rumors out there that the Justice League is about to kick out The Green Lantern, because the movie was just that bad?
Isaac: I can’t conﬁrm, but let’s just say I can’t—won’t—deny it.
Matt: Ouch. Well, thank you so much Isaac and Camber. You’ve been great guests.
Camber: Thank you, Matt. If you get kidnapped by terrorists, you know how to reach us!